Tribal Songs of the Andromeda

by arthur jarvinen

copyright © 2006


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THE BROTHERHOOD OF LEYDEN

The brethren were, in the beginning, a small traditional group, a mixture of true believers and devoted seekers, most closely resembling Minorites, but with a much better in-house liquer. Alas, faith can be a fragile thing, usually placed in yet more fragile vessels. Little by little, after Brother Ashton began to openly question and express some doubts, many of the other brothers were themselves inclined to admit that they too were not entirely convinced by much of what they had been taught to adhere to and had been devoting their energies - mental, spiritual, and physical – to preserving, refining and promoting.
 
Several devout brothers departed to join another monastery of the same order so as to get on with their true calling. Unshaken, they would remain faithful. One poor fellow however, unable to reconcile his internal conflict, hung himself – upside down. A neat trick, not accomplished without considerable ingenuity and forethought. The others were as impressed as they were distressed. One of the elders thought the thing so unlikely that it must be a joke, and really expected to hear "Gotcha!" at any moment. His friend and cell-mate had been known for just such things; it would not be unlike him. But it didn't happen. Brother Roger was – and remains – quite dead.

A few brothers, their faith too deeply shaken or even shattered completely, abandoned the monastic life and returned to society. The elderly Brother Felix moved into a little cabin near Laughing Whitefish Falls, where he now spends most of his time nurturing his pencil garden, and living off fishing, and trapping and gathering in the nearby woods. But the majority of the brethren still preferred the monastery and shared a need for community, male-bonding, and devotion to something of great mystery and wonder. They agreed that few things are as marvelous as electricity and undertook to study it, master it, and adore it in appropriate ritual manners.

Brother Roland had read about the Baghdad Batteries, and learned to make replicas. With forty of the galvanic cells connected in series they succeeded in electroplating a small silver crucifix with gold. They even built a replica of the Ark Of the Covenant that stores enough of a charge to jump start the monastery Jeep. With the addition of a few extra parts they can even use it as an emergeny generator to light the bathroom when the power goes out, as it often does in bad weather. Realizing that the Ark is really a Leyden Jar shaped like a box, they unanimously agreed that it would be meet, right, and salutary to relocate their monastery to that city, and so they did, taking as their new collective identity the Brotherhod Of Leyden.

The new monastery is conveniently located only a few hundred yards from a small industrial sub-station, featuring an array of three nice transformers and surrounded by chain link fence. This they have taken to using as their "chapel". Every evening they walk in single file, hands folded at the waist, to the electrical facilty and, disregarding the red and black warning signs on the fence, enter it in groups of three. After spending a few minutes before the transformers, listening intently - even as LaMonte Young is said to have done in his youth – to the gentle, persistent buzzing drone and contemplating the marvel of high voltage/high frequency electrical phenomena such as Tesla Coils and Jacob's Ladders – which, incidentally, provide lighting for the monastery cells – they exit to make way for another three brothers, usually pausing briefly to look at the distribution network before wandering over to the Existential Diner for burgers, chili dogs, and sweet potato fries.

Although having abandoned begging, the brethren are still a rather impoverished order, so it's nice that they have made good friends with the diner's owner, who as a kind of tithe feeds them for free in exchange for routine maintenance, occasional repairs, and restoration on his collection of 1949 Ford Woody Wagons.

The Brotherhood also operates WPLA, a small radio station, figuring that even if they can no longer hear the voice of God, maybe God can still hear them if the transmission tower is tall enough. So they send out messages in the form of "Oldies But Goodies" and Classic Rock, with no talking and very few advertisements.

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