The Potwatchie are an industrious tribe. Perhaps too much so. A long time ago they worked things out such that the immediate needs of the tribe are pretty much accounted for, and very little real work needs to be done by anyone in order for all to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. This leaves them with a lot of free time on their hands.

Their society having been based for the most part on a work ethic, they never developed a formal philosophy or canon. The Potwatchie chief suggested that perhaps the most productive use of their time might be in the study of the wisdom of some other tribe, examining it by means of the empirical method, to the end of enriching their minds. Everyone agreed that this was a good idea, so a scouting party was sent out to search for a suitable doctrine, tao, or philosophy for them all to study and practice together.

After many months the scouts returned with a big box of books, and a committee was formed to examine them, at least cursorily, and determine which would be the most suitable to the tribe. The I Ching was intriguing, but they did not  know how to consult it, and felt it best not to tread impiously, lest the oracle take offense. Plato was rejected outright for his bad attitude towards music, and the applied religious philosophy of L. Ron Hubbard was obviously just a scam. Finally, they found one slim volume in the box that seemed closer to home, a body of practical wisdom they could relate to, and really take to heart. They began in earnest to read it, ponder it, and put its teachings into practice and to this day the daily life of the Potwatchie is guided by the principles set forth in this little book of learning.

Central to the life and activities of the tribe is the cauldron, a large ritual vessel filled with water and set up in the heart of the village. The large pot is suspended over an open fire, which is maintained continuously, with the utmost care. The men of the tribe work in pairs, changing shifts every four hours, tending the fire, and watching. For it is absolutely critical that this pot never be allowed to boil. Of course, even without boiling, some water will always be evaporating. For this reason the boys of the village have been made responsible for keeping a close eye on the water level, replenishing it as necessary to keep it at all times precisely in line with a mark inscribed around the middle of the inside of the pot, such that it is never possible to say with certainty whether the vessel is half empty or half full.

Boys being boys, it was anticipated that some of them would from time to time - whether out of insolence, mischiveousness, or just plain carelessness - screw up. This of course can not be tolerated, and such a boy would have to be given a good licking. In anticipation of this unpleasant but essential duty the village disciplinarian has fashioned a large quantity of simple but effective correctional implements, from hickory, about one centimeter thick and a meter in length. However, the boys take their responsibilities quite seriously and perform thir duties with pride. Not one has yet to be faulted. So, there are a lot of spare rods on hand. But at least the kids aren't spoiled, not even by their grandparents.

The girls, for their part, have been set to learning sewing, a practical skill as well as an art in its own right, and one in which speed would seem to be of the essence. So the girls are drilled and pushed to do their needlecraft as quickly as possible. This is accomplished by having them work against the clock, like chess players practicing to sharpen their position play. If a girl has not completed her stitch when the bell rings, she must do nine more for practice, then try again. Work continues in this manner until sha has got it right. Consequently, there are lots of bloody little fingers in the village, and there never seem to be enough band-aids. But the method works, and after all, someone has to sew all those silver linings…

Though the Potwatchie have had the wheel for generations, the village wagon-maker has become the loneliest guy in town. Everyone has taken to riding mules, or simply walking, transporting only what they can carry on their own. The carts and wagons stand idle in the barn, never used, and therefore never breaking. Consequently the village smithy likewise stands idly in his shop, having nothing to fix.

The younger children, not yet ready to take on many practical chores or duties, are nurtured in the attitudes and mores of the tribe. In particular, they are encouraged to adopt pets, selecting the cutest ones from the litter and taking care of them until they have bonded. At that point the children must return their pets to the animal shelter for some other child to take home. The kids bawl for hours, and don't seem to understand why they have to let their pets go, so their parents try to help them through this difficult time by providing them with colorful posters of butterflies.

The elders of the tribe have formed a council on intertribal relations, and have taken to declaring war on neighboring tribes and villages for no apparent reason. They have no real conflict with any of these tribes, so they never actually send anyone out to fight. They just declare war, then adjourn until the next meeting when they will decide who to declare war on next. This has caused considerable confusion and consternation among their neighbors, and has done precious little for trade. But no one has yet been hurt.

Fortunately for them, the Potwatchie are a self-sufficent people, and the village has thrived. Real estate in particular is booming, and there is usually a good selection of very nice properties on the market at attractive prices and featuring excellent views. True, from most of them it is almost impossible to see the nearby forest, due to the arborial planting project undertaken by the village parks department, but one can always get a clear look over the fence into the neighbors' yard where, no matter how assiduously one's own lawn is attended to, the grass is almost unnaturally green by comparison.

With their newfound knowledge, wisdom, and enlightened ways, the Potwatchie have become a prosperous, peaceful and contented people. They live life to the fullest, cherish each moment, never say they're sorry to anyone they love, and always keep uppermost in their minds that today is the first day, of the rest of their lives.